


Adding shadows to the walls of the cave

by hllfire



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: 70's, Alternate Universe - Inception Fusion, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Charles Xavier Needs a Hug, Charles Xavier in a Wheelchair, Domestic Fluff, Erik Lehnsherr is not a Happy Bunny, Established Relationship, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Not Really Character Death, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29523708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hllfire/pseuds/hllfire
Summary: You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You know where you hope the train will take you, but you can't know for sure. Yet it doesn't matter. Because we'll be together.or: Charles and Erik share dreams, but Charles doesn't want to wake up.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 9
Kudos: 26





	Adding shadows to the walls of the cave

**Author's Note:**

> So, I watched Inception with my friend this week and decided I wanted violence so I wrote a really sad au based on the concept of the movie. It's not really like the movie but the idea is the same (you could say that here Charles is Cobb and Erik is Mal). I took somethings from the movie because I could but there's also some different stuff here. I have to thank Su for enabling me and hopefully she won't kill me when she finishes lmao
> 
> I hope you guys like it and I'm sorry (I'm not) for the psychic damage this one may cause 😁
> 
> A big thank you to Steph ([InsertSthMeaningful](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsertSthMeaningful)) for the beta! This wouldn't be as good as it is without your help frend mwah.

**i. Erik**

Erik looked up from the kitchen island, hearing the sound of laughter coming from outside the open doors of the veranda.

The sun shone bright that day, sending its light through the clear glass and illuminating the living room as well as the world outside as Charles played with the twins. Lorna, only three years old, sat on her highchair and clapped her hands at the way Charles lifted her siblings up high before putting them down, over and over again. She enjoyed their happiness as her own in such an innocent childish way that made Erik's heart clench with love.

The three children and Charles laughed happily, framed by warm and clear sunlight. Behind their backs, the sea rushed quietly, as the smell of the food Erik was preparing filled his senses.

The world was perfect.

**ii. Charles**

"We have to go, Erik." Charles' voice was soft as he held Erik's hand, trying to comfort him. Erik seemed like he could break at any moment. "We have to wake up. You remember what that man said… It's not safe to stay in a dream for too long. It's been… years, Erik."

When Erik moved again, his clear blue-green eyes flickered over to look outside, at the glass doors that led to their veranda, where Wanda, Pietro and little Lorna played together. Lorna had a green marker in her hand as she drew on the piece of paper she had been given — and sometimes on the wood tiles of the floor —, while Wanda pushed her hand away each time the small child tried to put the marker in her mouth. Meanwhile, Pietro ran around them, tripping a few times but never stopping. 

_The perfect life,_ Charles thought, _but not real._

"And how would we even do that?" Erik's voice was quiet, a whisper, pain seeping through his words as he considered the idea.

"Like in any dream." Erik's eyes went to Charles again, the sound of their children laughing at something making Charles’ heart ache as he said, "We die."

**iii. Erik**

"You look sad, Papa," Wanda said quietly as she looked up at him, sat by his side on the couch.

Lorna was snuggled in his arms as he talked to the children, Pietro sitting next to Wanda and gazing at him with curious eyes. A weird feeling curled at the bottom of his stomach, something telling him to keep looking at the children and keep the memory of them in his mind, like he'd never see them again.

 _This is ridiculous,_ Erik thought, _they'll be there. I'm just waking up._

"Papa!" Lorna repeated happily, her hands holding his face in a tight grip that he knew by now meant affection.

"I'm alright," Erik said, although he didn't really believe his own words. From the corridor, he could see Charles observing the scene, blue eyes waking calmly over Erik and the kids. "I'll just have to go somewhere. Me and Dad."

"Then come back soon!" Pietro said helpfully, making Erik smile a little bit.

"I will." Erik nodded, hugging Lorna a little closer. He felt like he couldn't let go. "When I come back, it will feel like you only dreamt me leaving…"

**iv. Charles**

"You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away," Charles said, hands shaking slightly, just like the train tracks under his head. The hard metal hurt the back of his skull.

Erik was there lying right beside him, looking directly at Charles with a terrified expression — dream or not, dying felt _terrifying._ In the distance, behind Erik's head, Charles could see the train approaching, the noise getting louder and louder by the second, so he raised his voice.

"You know where you hope the train will take you, but you can't know for sure. Yet it doesn't matter." The train was coming closer and closer, Erik's hand holding Charles' with so much force that it felt like his bones would break. But it didn't really matter — the pain would be gone in a second. "Now, tell me why?"

Erik screamed, _"Because we'll be together!"_ before the train hit and they jolted awake.

**v.** **Erik**

"Is he going to be okay?" Erik screamed at a nurse as he tried to get to Charles' room once more.

 _Only family members can visit,_ they had said, and Erik never wanted so badly to scream that Charles was the love of his life, that he was the only family he had, risky or not. He just wanted to see Charles.

"He's stable," the nurse said in what looked like a moment of pity. "But it would be better if you went home. Only family members are allowed to be in there with him."

"He's alone in there, let me see him. I'm-" Erik stopped himself, clenching his jaw tightly before he could blurt out what he really wanted to say. _I'm his boyfriend_ was at the tip of his tongue, but Erik knew well that it would only bring him more problems. "I live with him, he's my roommate. His sister isn't here to be with him. _Please."_

"I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do, sir."

She left without a second glance, leaving Erik standing there, his heart aching at the realization that Charles was alone in that hospital room — stable, _alive,_ but injured.

If Erik hadn't denied driving Charles back from work, if he only had gone to that stupid university to pick Charles up, maybe he wouldn't have been in that car accident. The guilt seemed to eat him whole, making his body shake and his eyes water.

He didn't leave the hospital that night.

**vi. Charles**

"Erik," Charles called out, frowning as he entered the kitchen to their home. "Erik, my darling, are you alright?"

Erik didn't answer, his back turned to Charles as he stared at the kitchen counter, unmoving. From where he stood, Charles was able to see the cutting board with half-cut vegetables on top of it, as well as the knife Erik was holding tightly. His knuckles were white and tensed.

"We didn't wake up, Charles…"

"What?"

"This- This is wrong. Can't you _see?"_ Erik turned his head minimally, a flash of blue-green eyes in Charles' direction, but no more than that. Charles felt a sudden rising dread in the pit of his stomach as he looked at Erik and the gleaming blade of the knife. "We didn't wake up."

"But we _did,"_ Charles calmly said, taking small steps towards Erik as if he was dealing with a cornered animal. Erik surely looked like one — stiff, hands shaking ever so slightly, and ready to attack, although Charles had a dark and nagging feeling that it wasn't Charles who he would attack with that knife. "Erik, we woke up. The train-"

 _"This_ is not right," Erik insisted, eyes suddenly falling towards the knife, the orange glow of the last afternoon light reflecting on it. "If we don't wake up…"

Charles managed to get to Erik before he finished his thought, his hand holding Erik's and keeping the knife safely away. He tried to loosen Erik's grasp on the blade until it fell onto the counter with a soft _thud,_ immediately intertwining their fingers after. Erik's grip on his hand was loose at first, until he held it tighter.

"We woke up, my love. We did," Charles said softly, smiling at Erik even if Erik's eyes were still on the knife. "Let's do this, then: I'll call your mother to come over."

"My mother…" Erik whispered, a frown crossing his face for a second, as if he was confused. Charles tightened the grip on Erik's hand, trying to keep the other man there with him as he heard Erik whisper, _"Mama…"_

"Yes. I'll call Edie over and we'll go out with the twins and Lorna. A fun day outside for everyone. Wouldn't that be good?"

There was a pause, the silence stretching out for a second too long. But at least, Charles thought, Erik's gaze had left the knife. His eyes were now on their joined hands, his thumb hesitantly touching Charles' skin and rubbing circles against it, soothing — more for him than for Charles. When Erik gave a small nod, Charles felt like he could breathe again.

"Alright..." Erik said weakly, eyes rising to look at Charles again. "Alright."

**vii. Erik**

Erik entered the room with slow steps, eyes glued to the hospital bed. Relief rushed over him as he saw Charles' bright blue eyes open and looking at him, but at the same time, a painful feeling became lodged in the pit of his stomach as he saw the bruises on his pale skin. There was an assortment of purple, red and blue marks all over his arms and collarbone, more of those probably hidden by the hospital clothes and the bedsheets, as well as scratches all over his face.

He looked tired, dark circles framing the blue eyes Erik loved oh-so much, but in a morbid sort of way, Erik was glad the bruises and scratches were there. It meant that Charles was alive. The cab driver who had been with Charles in the accident hadn’t had as much luck.

Erik stayed at the door of the room, looking at Charles over and over again, satisfying the uncanny need to make sure that he was there and truly alive. Only when a tired smile crossed Charles’ chapped lips, Erik believed it.

"Oh, my friend…" Charles said, his voice rough and quiet as he tried to talk. "I'd rather prefer you didn't look at me like that."

"Sorry, I… I'm just glad that you're okay. Alive..."

Erik had to pat himself on the back later for his self-control, for not bolting into the room and taking Charles' face in his hands to give him a kiss while the nurse was there, for not screaming just how much he loved Charles and how thankful he was that he was still here, with him.

Instead, Erik walked calmly to the side of the bed, sitting on the recliner by Charles' side and keeping his eyes on the other man at all times. Charles' own cerulean eyes followed him, the same intense feeling behind that gaze that Erik himself carried.

"You haven’t been sleeping," Charles said quietly, probably seeing the tired look in Erik's face now that he was closer. Erik shook his head at that, holding back the urge to touch, to hug, to keep Charles as close as possible and _safe._ "You look awful."

"Oh, shut up, Charles..." The chuckle that left Erik's lips was choked off by the want to cry, holding back his tears as he saw the smile on Charles' lips — that beautiful, beautiful smile, capable of brightening even the worst of Erik's days.

"You look like you've seen death, and yet you're still good-looking. I hardly think that's fair." 

Erik shot a glance to the nurse in the room after Charles' words and noted that she had her back turned to them, seemingly not paying attention to the two men. In a quick movement, Erik allowed his trembling hand to brush against Charles' cheek, being careful not to touch the scratch that was there. Charles' skin was soft as always, and both of them smiled.

"I could say the same about you," he whispered, seeing Charles' smile widen a little bit, eyes still looking worryingly tired.

Before another word could be said, a doctor entered the room, both men turning to look at him. There was a somber look in the man's eyes that Erik didn't like, a precursor for tragedy, and Erik feared that he had allowed himself to calm down far too early. 

Both men listened to the doctor carefully. Erik regretted that he was unable to hold Charles' hand through the words that were said, and he felt his heart sink, heavier with each beat.

"We thought that maybe you would regain full sensation in your legs again, Mr. Xavier," the doctor said, some kind of silent empathy in his eyes as he looked at Charles. Charles, in return, seemed like he was having difficulty breathing now, the smile gone from his lips. "I fear that will not be the case…"

**viii. Charles**

Charles felt his heart in his throat as he looked out of the window of the hotel room, seeing Erik on the building across from it. He was sitting on the windowsill and looking down at the streets below. There was an expression of morbid determination on his face, telling Charles that there was little he could do to make Erik change his mind. He tried to push that notion back, tried not to think about how he was about to lose Erik, and focused on what he needed to do at that moment. He needed to get Erik off of that windowsill and back to safety.

"Erik, my love, what are you doing?"

"How long has it been, Charles?" Erik's voice sounded, carried by the strong wind blowing between the buildings. He sounded broken. "If we don't wake up-"

"We're _awake,_ for God's sake!" Charles' voice broke, despair seeping through his words as he struggled for breath. "Don't do this, Erik. Our children-"

"Charles, we don't _have_ children. We never did! Never could..." 

"Erik-"

"And you- Oh, mein Schatz, I know why you don't want to wake up... I know why you want to believe _this_ is true, but I want you, Charles…" There was pain and pity and _urgency_ in Erik's words, as if he was begging Charles to listen. "There's no you more whole than the real you, and I can't risk losing it for a dream..."

"Erik, please get off that windowsill. _Please._ Let's talk about this… We can find help."

"If we don't wake up, I'll lose you."

The words were said weakly, but just loud enough for Charles to hear with the wind and the distance between them, and something heavy seemed to lodge itself in his chest, as if he already knew what the outcome of it all would be.

"Erik, I'm begging you…"

"This is your dream life, Charles. But if what it takes for you to wake up is turning it into a nightmare, then so be it."

"Erik-"

"There's a letter on our attorney's desk that he'll find come morning," Erik said quietly, Charles' brows furrowing at his words, "saying how I am fearing for my safety, as well as our children's. How you threatened to kill me."

Charles frowned again, feeling the air getting knocked from his lungs as he looked around at the hotel room. Everything was a mess, broken glasses and bottles on the floor and all the furniture thrown onto its sides or back, making it the perfect picture of a fight — one that had never happened but that would end with Erik on the pavement down below; one that would end with Charles being blamed for the outcome.

"You'll have to leave them either way, Charles, I just saved you from that choice. Now there's only me..." Erik kept going, Charles' eyes going back to him as he felt helpless. What could he do now? What could he possibly say to get Erik to change his mind? "I'm sorry, Liebling. I'm sorry I have to do this, but we need to go home and you _won't listen to me."_

"Erik, don't do this…" he tried again, tears already falling from his eyes as he watched Erik smile calmly at him and shake his head, right before the smile disappeared and he closed his eyes. "Erik, we can go home. Get inside, come back to _me."_

"You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away," Erik said in a shaky voice, as Charles shouted once more for him not to do it, his screams going on and on, his own voice distant to his ears as all he could hear was Erik. And Erik's voice kept going, carried by the wind towards Charles as if he needed to hear each word. "You know where you hope the train will take you, but you can't know for sure. Yet it doesn't matter. Because we'll be together."

All Charles heard after that was the sound of his own scream as Erik jumped, tearing his gaze away before he could see Erik’s inevitable end. He felt his whole body go numb for a moment, pain and grief taking control of him until he remembered Erik's words.

His children. He needed to see his children.

**ix. Erik**

Erik arrived home to the same sight as on countless other nights: Charles in his wheelchair, sitting by the window of their apartment and watching the streets outside. Sometimes, Erik feared there was some kind of plan going through Charles' head as he looked out of that window, but he pushed the thought away. Charles wouldn't do something like that, he told himself, hoping he was right.

He hoped as well that his idea would work, that it would be good enough to give Charles something to be happy about again. He needed to see Charles smile like before again.

"I brought take-out," Erik announced from the kitchen, seeing Charles' eyes leave the window to look at him. His hair needed combing and the dark circles under his eyes showed he desperately necessitated sleep, but he still looked as stunning as Erik had always seen him. "Thought you'd like something that I hadn't cooked for a change."

"I enjoy your cooking," Charles said, his voice still small as if talking was a burden. Erik could see the shift in his eyes as he moved his wheelchair to meet Erik in the kitchen, legs carefully covered by a soft blanket. "You know I do. Always did."

"I know, but maybe… maybe something different could cheer you up." 

Charles' eyes rose to look at Erik then, the blue in them still as breathtaking as when they had met all those years ago — Erik could look at them for ages and never tire of it, could drown in those wild waters and be happy with it. Unfortunately, a shadow of sadness crossed Charles’ gaze, cerulean eyes falling to his lap.

"I'm sorry, my darling," Charles said quietly, his voice filled with a guilt Erik couldn't understand. "I'm sorry I'm not… I'm not… whole like I used to be."

Erik didn't miss a beat before going to Charles, kneeling in front of him and taking Charles' hands in a tight grip, forcing the other man to look at him. There was a sad expression in Charles' eyes; Erik would do anything to take it away.

"You are whole, Liebling… You never stopped being whole."

"Erik, don't pretend-"

"I'm not pretending. You know me, Charles, you know I'd _never_ lie to you about anything. I'm not lying right now." Erik watched as Charles' eyes filled with tears and he held them back, looking away from Erik as best as he could. "You're still the man I met all those years ago, the man I love and decided to spend my whole life with. You're just dealing with a lot right now."

"I want to be what you need…"

"You already are. Oh, Charles, you are… Don't forget that."

Charles stared at Erik again, a few tears finally falling as he swallowed around a lump in his throat, one hand leaving Erik's grasp to hold Erik's face gently. Erik leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and enjoying the soft skin of Charles’ palm on his cheek for a moment. If he could, if that was an option, he'd marry Charles just to prove how true his words were. He'd find them a house near the beach and build a life for them there, somewhere he could tell the man in front of him just how much he loved him, needed him, every day of his life.

If he could, maybe, they'd start a family. Charles had always said he wanted kids when he had been younger — _Three,_ he'd say with a bright smile on his lips that made Erik swoon any day, _Three kids seem like a good number._

When Erik opened his eyes again, there was still sadness in Charles'. He hoped to bring the idea up only later, only after he tried to comfort Charles himself, but if it would give Charles some hope back…

"There's… something I found out, Schatz," Erik started, his hand on top of Charles' on his cheek, keeping the warm palm against his face. "We could try it, if you agree."

**x. Charles**

"We'll stay together, no matter what," Charles had said, _begged,_ holding Erik's hand tightly on the bed as they prepared themselves to start. "Wherever we go. Right?"

"Together." Erik nodded, smiling calmly at him. "Wouldn't want it any other way."

It had started simple enough, sweet enough. They were in their apartment in New York, Charles had no remaining scars or disabilities from his accident, and they could just be themselves. Holding Erik's hand while walking the streets without fearing other people's judgements almost made Charles break down the first time it happened. He felt like he could stay there forever, like he wanted the dream to never end.

Besides, if it did, all that waited for him when he woke up were a wheelchair and his ghosts, as well as the fear of not being enough for Erik anymore. 

It was only then that Charles realized there could be more, that they could _do more._ The man who had taught them how to share dreams had warned them not to go too deep or not to stay too long.

"Limbo is not a place you'll want to be stuck in," he had said, a serious look in his eyes as he looked at Erik and Charles carefully. But Charles would be careful, he always was.

So they went deeper one day, somewhere where they got married, where Charles was able to put a golden band on Erik's finger and have one on his own as well, where Erik's mother was there to see as well. Erik had cried, hugged his mother tightly after not having seen her since he had been a child, after losing her so brutally all those years ago. There, Edie Lehnsherr looked as young as she had been when Erik had last seen her, a kind smile on her face as she looked at her son and at Charles, welcoming him into the family. 

They went even deeper then, to a house by the beach, where Charles enjoyed the sun on his skin and the company of his husband, where Charles kissed Erik's body like he'd done so many times outside the dreams, feeling as real as reality — enough even to make Charles forget what was real and what was fake for a moment, and then for good.

Then came the children, first the twins, then Lorna, and Charles felt like nothing could ever be wrong in the world again, like life was perfect as he played outside with his children under the warm sunlight. He would throw the twins up in the air before putting them down over and over again, and Lorna, only three years old and in her highchair, clapped her hands in excitement, enjoying her siblings' happiness as her own in such an innocent childish way that made Charles' heart clench with love.

And then he remembered something, remembered words telling him that staying too long in a dream could end up in tragedy. He'd have to remind Erik, who seemed to be captured in the dream as deeply as Charles. But it would be okay, because they would do it together, like they promised to do.

Besides, what would be waiting for him when he woke up were his children and Erik.

**xi. Erik**

Erik opened his eyes as his body suddenly woke up, the memory of the dream fading slowly. He remembered falling, remembered Charles' screams, remembered almost hitting the ground before the dream changed. He remembered wedding clothes and his mother smiling at him, but there was no Charles. He remembered vague feelings, as he jumped through the layers of dreams they had created together, until he got there. It was dark outside, the clock showing that it was four in the morning.

They had fallen asleep at 8pm that night, if Erik remembered it correctly. 

For a moment, Erik wondered if this wasn't just another layer — how could he even be sure after that night? — until he noticed something shining by the side of the bed. There, the metal of Charles' wheelchair glimmered in the slight moonlight that entered through their window, bathing the streets of New York outside. Not another layer, then.

There was a saddened feeling in his chest as he vaguely remembered the faces of the children he and Charles had had, the face of his mother, wishing now that the dream hadn't ended. If it hadn’t been for the consequences, if he hadn't remembered the man's warnings about Limbo, Erik would have stayed, he knew he would have. It had hurt to remember he needed to leave all of that behind, and it had hurt even more to have to bring Charles back to a reality he dreaded.

He just hoped he'd be enough for Charles now, even after the perfect life they had experienced.

Erik turned his head, seeing Charles sleeping calmly by his side, frowning as the other man didn't seem like he was getting close to waking up. 

He touched Charles' shoulder lightly, hoping to see Charles' eyes open to look at him any second now, panic rising in his chest as he noticed that Charles wasn't waking up. It had been enough time, Erik guessed, for Charles to have followed him out of the dream, and yet he wasn't waking up.

"Charles?" Erik called out, sitting on the bed and holding Charles' face in his hands, his beard poking at Erik's palms — he hadn't had one in the dreams, he had been Charles before-the-accident for most of the time.

There, with his beard, with dark circles under his eyes and with his long hair a mess all over his pillow, Charles looked stunning in Erik's eyes. If only he would open _his_ and stare at Erik, if only he'd drown Erik in those ocean eyes...

"Charles, wake up," Erik tried again, but there was no response. "Wake up, goddammit, _wake up!_ Together… You said together..."

**xii. Charles**

"Where are you going, daddy?" Wanda asked, looking up at Charles with worry in her eyes. Pietro next to her seemed to sense something was wrong, his lips forming a pout a few times as if he was about to cry but didn't know why for. "Where's Papa?"

"He's… away, darling," Charles said, his voice strained as he looked up at Edie, seeing the woman carrying Lorna in her arms, her eyes red from the tears she had shed.

She knew now what had happened, had cried about her son already and agreed to take care of the kids while Charles was away and tried to find a way to clear his name from what Erik had done. He was just glad that she had believed him. 

The fact that Erik was gone still didn't sit right in Charles' mind, as if it wasn't true, but he knew enough of grief to know it was normal to feel that way.

"I'll be back as soon as possible." Charles smiled down at the kids, going to Edie to take Lorna into his arms and hug the girl, feeling her hug back.

"Love you," she mumbled as she hugged Charles, pain tugging at his chest at her words. He wanted to stay, or to take them with him, but he couldn't.

It hurt, hurt as much as he imagined a car crash would, as debilitating as an accident would leave him. When he finally put Lorna down to hug the twins, Charles almost wasn't able to hold back his tears.

"I love all of you. Please take care and listen to your grandma, alright?" The kids nodded, Lorna trying to get into Charles' arms again for a moment. Charles left them with a kiss to their cheeks and the empty feeling of losing something expanding in his chest.

As he drove away from the house on the beach, a kiss from Edie still lingering on his forehead, leaving behind his perfect place and his whole world, he agreed with Erik's words: It all felt like a nightmare he couldn't wake up from now.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kuddos are more than appreciated and keeps an author's soul alive. Even a "❤️" or "+kuddos" are valid and will make me happy. ❤️
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://hellfre.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://twitter.com/hllfire)!


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